I Shall Prevail

By: Angelika Sta. Romana

“The worst enemy you will ever have is yourself. . .” a girl once wrote in her journal.

She used to be the one who was cheerful everyday, compassionate to the people around her, and especially, she used to be the friendliest person you will ever meet. She treated almost all of her friends as her best friends. When someone asks her about who is her best friend, she would tell them a bunch of names. She would play with whoever wanted to play with her. She receives the most “thank you cards” or “friendship cards” when her teacher required them to do it. She was young, very welcoming, warm and was always smiling.

Growing up then happened.

As she grew up, she faced difficult problems. She encountered people who betrayed her and broke her trust. She gave them second chances yet wasted it. She gave them third, fourth chances, and still, trashed it. She experienced soul-crashing events. The thing that was whole before, shattered in front of her. Almost everyday of shouting and fighting of her two favorite people. She could not take it. She was very young. She had almost gave up.

The unfortunate events were eating up her thoughts and perception about the world, about the people she met and will meet. These changed her perspectives and her beliefs in life and in people. Her smiles started to fade, she became distant to people, wary that she might be hurt again and the girl who once was willing to trust anyone became the girl who barely trust anyone, even her true friends.

She has been a fighter ever since. She stands up for what she believes yet open to any opinions or crticisms. She fights for her friends when being degraded or disrespected but never gives tolerance when it is the other way around. As much as possible, she protects herself from people who hurt her and from those who betrayed her. Most importantly, she has been her protector with the Guide above.

She did not like who she had became. She did not like herself. She was not herself. But she was broken and even she was constantly trying to mend herself, it was just so difficult. She missed her old self, the happy and the friendly one. But people will hurt you again, she thought. They will take advantage of you again. She wanted to bring back her old self but, at the same time, she did not want to. She was badly damaged. For a girl who just gave love, she was badly hurt to the point that she almost lost her love for herself.

One thing that had remained in her is she, being a fighter and believing for what is right even her own self somehow contradicts it.

This time, her fight was not with other people but with herself. It was not easy. The constant fight with yourself and, at the same time, learning to love yourself again. There was a lot of time she felt giving up but never did because she was a fighter.

There was one thing that she was sure of, she has to win this fight.

She took her time to mend herself. She supported herself. She did not rush things. She accepted the fact that it would never be easy. As she was constantly in fight with herself, she was also rooting for herself.

She did not brought herself back from who she had used to be, but she did win. She used these experiences to grow. She did not let it confine her into a person she would not want to be. She came back stronger. She has learned to love herself more and realize her worth.

She was not able to bring back who she was, the young, warm and friendly one but she became the person whom she needed when she was once innocent and hurt.

“…and the best ally you will ever have is yourself.”

She had almost gave up many times but she did not. She had believed that she, being an ally of herself is stronger that the enemy within her self.